Heat Wave

A busy Scouting weekend for me.

Yesterday, I spent the day in a marquee making totum poles with Beavers from all over the county of Humberside.

Today, we have celebrated the opening of the new Scout Hut with a small craft fair and some other stalls. For which I ran a stick picking game. We even made a small profit.

Tomorrow, I am due to begin fasting again. I'm just not feeling it. Hope that will shift by the morning. I find myself being dragged down by my mood. Second guessing other people's comments and reading into them.

Facebook is a dangerous place for a depressive person. You see things and read things then can't help but wish that it was you or your life. Then you crash further.

You get fixated on little things. Obsessed even. It's not healthy. Finding competition where there probably isn't any. Yet you still want to win. Problem is... if there is no competition there is no chance of winning so it feels like a loss. So you drop even deeper.

How do you you find that spark that can break you free from the quick sand? Saying still isn't an option but moving creates agitation and a sinking feeling.

I have been trying the ostrich method of ignoring it in the hope it would make it better. That's stopped working for me now. So has keeping busy. For now I focus on the kids. The children that scouting helps as well as my own. After that only one option remains to remove myself from my main itch... which will effect far too many other people who will need explanations from this crazy woman.

Well there's an insight into my strange little mind for today.